So, then, when are you coming out to see me? Ah ordinarily you would have come, I’m sure, but the pandemic means that people from Plague Island are personae non-gratae here. How about you Zoom me instead?

Let’s deal with the points you raised that morning during our Den-and-Angie hours-long conversation. It was neither debate nor discussion: you talked over me so much that I was unable to respond. People like you often do that, by the way. It’s like you don’t want to hear what anyone else has to say. Why not? Are you frightened of what you’ll hear?

I’m trying so hard not to sneer or sound spiteful. I know that accusation flies around too. People don’t like facts to interfere with their beliefs.

You hijacked my last duty with your spat-out, finger-waving lies. I can’t square this in my head, though. You clearly volunteered for the same reason as me so how could you have spouted such hateful opinions with such force? All of the language you used was directly from the pages of the right wing anti-immigrant tabloid press. How do I know this? Because others like you trotted exactly the same phrases in the time between the narrow, gerrymandered Brexit majority and the actual leaving, a year ago. It was always them starting it, people like you, older, white men feeling justified in their aggression towards me. I don’t really care to speculate publicly on their motivations but I have the thoughts. Often. It always came out of nowhere and when I calmly repeated some actual facts the faces got redder, the fingers jabbed more savagely. The spittle flew. Every single time.

Let me remind you what you said on that late September morning in 2018: that Brexit would be such a success that you would fly over to Hong Kong to tell me to my face how well it was going. What prompted that level of triumphalism and hubris? I’ve wondered this on and off ever since that morning. I mean, where do I even start with this? There is so much information available to those who want to see it. Perhaps it’s best that I concentrate on the issues you raised? Let’s see what’s actually happening shall we?

Your opening gambit was that Brexit would stop the invocation of human rights by the Muslim man with, what was it, “13 wives and 20 children who lives on benefits.” I can’t really see how Brexit would have stopped that but whatever. Maybe you thought that leaving the EU meant leaving behind human rights law? I wonder, do you despise human rights for everyone or just the people you don’t like? These laws protect you too, you know. Possibly you were confused. Many were. The European Court of Human Rights is not and has never been an EU body. It is run by the 47 members of the Council of Europe, of which the UK is still a member. So there might be some confusion there too, old bean.

When I talked about the future losses in UK trade from Brexit you went over to the example of China after the TianAnMen Square incident. “We bounced back. Trade with China came back.” Possibly you did not know how intimately I was acquainted with those events. I lost my first career as all the foreign investment pulled out of China. Yes we’re back, because we have to trade with one of the most powerful world economies. It’s on China’s terms, though. Can you see any parallels appearing here with our situation now that we have left the EU? That would be a major reason for not leaving the protection of the world’s largest trading block but OK. How’s that working out out a year after Brexit? Do feel free to have a look at this article from the Yorkshire Post if you have a chance. It will tell you all about how trade is holding up under our new regimen.