This morning I had absolutely no idea what to write about for this post. Dear Reader, you might naturally have assumed that this series was all meticulously planned in advance, and some posts have almost written themselves, but I admit that others have been of a more spontaneous nature, shall we say? It’s seat of pants stuff, this blog.

Then I saw the large pachyderm in this post. Here it is:

Here, spontaneously, are the 10 sorts of Lords that I do not like. I’m sure there are more. I’m sure you’ll recognise them and you can think of more yourself. Do let me know.

1. The #sillyoldman

He’s grown up in age where just by dint of his sex, his male privilege, he feels he’s entitled to an hearing no matter what load of old tut he’s repeatedly spouting. Generally women with opinions or who can think for themselves present an unacceptable challenge to this man who is deeply affronted if one ever dares to disagree with him. That can send him into an eternal sulk. And yet, he comes at you fingers a-wagging, face a-reddening and starts the fight, hoping to win, time and again. You don’t want to be rude so you try and smooth things over, which he smugly sees as a knockout victory. It’s so tiresome to find that the world now seems to be run by these, and that, as I write, they’re now engaged in yet another hubristic and diversionary pissing contest that will affect us all.

2. The mansplainer

He feels that he has to explain everything you’ve said back to you slowly and clearly as if you are five years old which, in his eyes, women are. He has not a soupçon of self-awareness that a) you might actually know what you’re talking about better than him and b) he might not actually have a clue at all. How exhausting.

3. The woman-can’t-be-funny guy

Related to 2) above but explains seriously and earnestly how your joke is comletely wrong and seems to think that sarcasm can’t come from women. Yeah. It totally can’t.  Women are incapable of being funny so whatever we say must be picked apart and analysed. Let me explain to these types that, no, women don’t only talk about periods and men when we hang out together. Some of us even talk about the menopause. That’s hilare.

4. The Refiner

Says “Women should” a lot whether it relates to too much make-up; not enough make-up; our clothes, our attitude, our demeanour, whatever. He just can’t let a woman be herself. She always needs the improving hand of a man. I’m afraid that some trans people are a subset of this. Please don’t tell us how to be. We can decide that for ourselves.

5. The over-promoted mediocrity

Currently again at the peak of their power. I’ve always thought that women can’t say we’ve achieved equality until there are as many mediocre women as men running things.

6. The Machoman

This one is so proud of not being in touch with his feelings. Often homophobic and eschews anything creative or artistic or meditative preferring to limit conversation to war or its more peaceful equivalent, sport. The explicit personification of toxic masculinity (but see 1. above, which is simply the pass/agg version) Probably a mess inside that armour plating. I wouldn’t know, thank goodness, as I only come across these in passing.

7. The Look-at-ME Guy

Often to be found in airport lounges or pacing around in stations, in a public place at any rate and yelling into his mobile self-importantly so that everyone knows what a Big Knob he is. No, mate. You’re just a Knob.

8. The DM slider

He appears in your direct or personal message inbox one day with only a cursory couple of likes of your posts and asks if you’re married. If you’ve liked any of his posts (because he might have said something of interest) that obviously means that you want to sleep with him so this his online booty call, right?  Woof woof. I ascribe this to spending his educational or work environment mainly interacting with men and seeing women mainly as sex objects. Really this is no excuse. It’s perfectly possible to get to know women as equals in the first few weeks of university or a job, surely?

9. The Player (would be)

A subset of these contains the men who have now driven me away from playing Words With Friends. They start a game, often with a really low-scoring word. When you reply, with a sigh, they start a conversation. It is always the same conversation. If you ignore them they resign and you don’t get the points. If you decide to be friendly the conversation is always from the tedious script above. If you question it, they are quick to anger and hubris call you names and block you. If you start to use long words or win more points than them, they resign from the game. They aren’t very good at expanded vocabulary and, for some reason, can’t understand how time zones work. See also supposed networking platforms like InterNations.

10. The Meninist

Ugh. I can’t even. I’m sure the any dictionary can give you a definition.

Now. I realise how controversial the above might seem and how you might be tempted to #notallmen me. Yes. I know it’s not all men and I’m lucky to have plenty of decent, cultured, respectful, kind men in my circle of friends. Until I was in my late twenties, most of my friends were men. I generally don’t dislike men but yes it’s enough men to affect the prevailing culture and make women feel oppressed. And, sadly lots of women are complicit in several of these toxic behaviours. Let’s all just take a moment and stop, shall we?