Selfies enrage me. I mean, fine, post a photo of yourself from time to time with your significant other or in a significant place, and we all need to update our profile pictures sometimes. New hair, new lipstick: great, but I am sent into paroxysms of fury by people who insist on posting only selfies and nothing but selfies.
We all know what you look like. You’ve reminded us several times in the last few days. You haven’t changed. You could just tell us that you’ve visited Buckingham Palace or the Taj Mahal or the Moon, or take a photo of the place you’re in foregoing enhancement by your smirking face. And no-one has ever in the history of photographs taken a picture with the Leaning Tower of Pisa between their thumb and forefinger before you thought of it. You could describe your trip as something other than “amazing,” too, by the way, using your actual brain. Actions are good: you could picture yourself holding up a witty #StopBrexit placard or dressed in a beekeeping suit or pushing off to ski down an Alp or cuddling a puppy. But no, there’s just your face again, and nothing but your face, smiling inanely just like the last time.
A red mist descends when contemplation of a solemn place like, say, St Peter’s in Rome or the Monument to the People’s Heroes in Tian An Men Square or the Demilitarised Zone between the Koreas or the Menin Gate is interrupted by gurning, grinning teenagers (and older people who should know better encouraging their noisy, brattish grandchildren) adopting ridiculous postures and giggling. Have some respect, people! That’s the death of dignity right there. Just stop it.