I received the notification in the post this morning that I’d failed my ATCL Singing Recital Diploma. Just by a handful of marks, but even failing by one mark is enough, isn’t it? Most devastating was the low mark I was given for technique.
I worked hard for the diploma and I think I was – just – at that level but an endless cycle of negativity had built up in my head and that all affects the singing voice and the sound production. In my case it was recurrent problems with tonality. The examiner made it clear in his notes that he didn’t think I sang in tune. (I missed a pp and a dotted note in a couple of the pieces too.) Probably not allocating myself enough time or concentration; having the builders around the house; going away to India just before the exam didn’t help but those are side issues. In the end, I did not sing well enough. So there we are.
I don’t think I’ve ever failed an exam before unless you could the sightsinging sections of my Grade 6 and 7 singing exams, and the closest I’ve come to this feeling is when I received the letter telling me that I wasn’t required to come for my Oxford University entrance interview. You have this feeling that you’re nowhere near as good at anything as you thought you were. At least Trinity had the grace to provide me with notes about my performance, even though it took them 10 and a half weeks; even though they spelt my name wrong on the envelope.
Yes, I am a bit devastated. So those of you out there – and there are one or two – who like to read my updates but wish me ill can have a good crow and rub your hands with glee. Enjoy yourselves, you might as well.
Where do I go from here? Well currently I’d like to walk away and forget the whole thing. Asa couple of people were kind enough to point out: it was my choice to take the exam and I didn’t have to push myself to that extent. I could have postponed it had I wanted to. I have made a mental note not to talk to you next time.
Yes, I guess there will be next time. I don’t know yet whether I can repeat the programme or whether I have to put together a new one and I’m currently not sure whether to get the damn thing over with in the summer or to wait, hone, improve, perfect and try again next December. All of these things depend on a conversation with my singing teacher whom I haven’t seen since before my exam, such was the trauma of it all. I think, however, that it’s not setting a great example to give up at the first setback and, as I said in my New Year’s Resolutions, I owe it to myself to pass this diploma to have something to show for the hard work.
So there we go. Stripped bare. Only a little self-pity. It’s going to be very embarrassing telling my choir chums this evening.
Oh Gita that is such a pity …I know how hard you worked and how you pushed yourself.
I’m not one who wishes you I’ll … I hope you know that . And as for not needing to take the exam ….well….we don’t need to do lots of things do we ? But how boring and ordinary life would be if we didn’t strive for that ‘little bit more’ … That’s what makes us the people we are .
I am sorry you have had this set-back … But I’m sure it won’t deter you in the future.
Hugs and love and a gentle shove towards your next challenge xxx
Thank you Rosie. Exactly what I need. x
A famous leader is quoted as saying: Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.
You took the exams at a difficult time but you now have a strategy for next time. Best wishes. 😀
Oh, how kind. Yes. Someone else said that failure is vital in life. Here’s to that.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the result you hoped for, but I hope you won’t be discouraged from trying again. *Hugs* xx
So sorry, Gita. It’s saying something that you’d never failed an exam before. I can only echo what the others have said and hope that, whatever you decide to do about the exam, you continue to enjoy your singing.
Thank you Annette. X
Sad for you because you are so disappointed. But if you have failed at so little, revel in how wondrous you are already!
Hm. Or… if you try nothing, you’ll never fail. I so wanted to pass this. Feeling quite beaten down at the moment.
I love Woolie’s quotation. (Winston Churchill, I think) So true!
Reading your post also made me think, what if you had “passed” what then. What would have come next? Or would you have stopped there, having achieved a goal? That too would have been a shame because pass or fail I do hope it’s not the end of your singing. I’ve heard you sing (all be it be creeping up on you on Farnborough Common!) and you’re GOOD!
So my quote for you is, “Failure is not the opposite of success, it is part of success.”
On wards and upwards my dear. xxx
Thank you Sarah. That means an awful lot.
I’m just about to leave for choir and tell the gang…and Dan. How embarrassing.
Ah well.
xxx
Enjoy choir. Sing your heart out xx