I’ve been mulling superpowers this evening. Not in the geopolitical sense: merely the skillset that you wish you had and actually haven’t. MsDD has been off school today with a tummy bug and we have just whiled away a few minutes in deep discussion.

MsDD suggests that complete control of the space/time continuum would be quite cool. Personally I think that’s a little non-specific and over-ambitious. Maybe just wear a watch and check that you have everything you need before you leave the house.

Omniscience would be an intolerable burden, I feel. Imagine knowing everything all at the same time: the stress of that knowledge would be unbelievable and probably enough to push you over the edge.

I can’t see the point of an ability to shapeshift, either. Yes, you’d no longer have to contend with a #lowboredomthreshold but if you had made yourself into, say, a monkey, you’d constantly be wondering what it was like to be a bird or a suitcase or a blob of mercury. It seems to me like a recipe for complete discontentment.

There would be no point in invisibility either, I think, because you’d be able to hear what people were saying about you behind your back and then be unable to divulge your immaculate source. And teleportation is a no-no, at least for the time being. Imagine if it went wrong which, inevitably, it would and you’d end up in Crewe with an ear in the place of your elbow and an eye where your left buttock should be. The view from down there might be interesting, though.

And I can’t really see the point of being Spiderman unless you pledge to fight crime with every sinew. What would be the point in normal life, except, say, I could fire a restraining silken web out of my hand at the first sign of Raffles doing a runner.

The thing with such a high degree of development is the responsibility that would go with it and I don’t think l’m really up to coping with that. You’d have to be ready to administer numerous  complaints fairly and in a balanced and open-minded way and there would be endless calls on your mental and physical energies.

No, my superpowers would be more mundane and readily available to a few human beings I know, rather than gods on Mount Olympus. I would love

a) Perfect pitch. Imagine being able to sightsing anything, or know that you were always in tune or, when not, exactly what needed correcting. For a singer, especially, that would be great.

b) A photographic memory. Imagine how easy that would make the whole exam thing.

c) The ability to sleep anywhere. My husband  can, and does, fall asleep anywhere. Standing up on a pin. That’s a standing joke in our family but it’s a bitter one. I am a light sleeper and as soon as I wake up my mind starts humming and I so resent those people, like the OH, who seem to be able to withdraw so totally from life and enjoy the repose of ten thousand innocent and gentle things.

Those are my eminently doable but still longed-for superpowers. What would yours be?




Photo by andertoons