One ritual in the Hindu wedding ceremony is when the bride puts her (naked) foot on a stone and agrees to be the rock of the family. Patriarchal as this is, I like it because someone has to stand up for the family and the children, and I take this part of my job very seriously.
Meek as I have been, as I am, I feel it’s important to stand up against any perceived injustice and you will have seen the effect on Friday night when I had a really unpleasant conversation with a music teacher who could not handle being questioned and went for an all-out attack strategy with me.
I care very deeply what people think of me, and I’ve been very upset ever since, both because no-one I consider intelligent has ever spoken to me like that and because there is structural injustice occurring and I need to let people know about it.
Today, however, I am relieved because I went in for a meeting with two eminently reasonable men who actually listened to my point of view. Finally I feel that I have been heard; that my concerns have been taken on board and that, despite possibly being a little late for MsDD, my intervention and suggestions will make the annual audition process a little more transparent for students in future years.
Essentially so many problems come down to lack of communication. But I also deeply resent having to pick myself up off the floor and move on constructively when someone with a heap of insecurities who is emotionally and intellectually immature or unprofessional decides that they are going to have a meltdown that involves attacking me. There are far too many of those people around, in my view and we need to hold them to account and be that rock.
Am relieved to see you had a better meeting yesterday. These things can be so very difficult. I also care what people think of me. In fact, I probably care far too much, which can be very limiting. Perhaps we should be less backward in coming forward. x
I really think we should. I think I’ve probably paid quite dearly for my reticence in my life and perhaps we might baulk at using what other people might see as brisk assertiveness. It’s subjective, I think, if you’ve been brought up always to put the needs of others first but there are plenty of people who pay no regard to solicitousness and just barge their way forward. I don’t think we could do that.
I do think that a burden has been lifted and that I have done my best both for my own child and, I hope, for future talented young people so, for me, it’s a good outcome.
Yes, it’s important to strike the right balance. I doubt either of us would want just to trample over people or be poor listeners in trying to achieve our aims.
I’m really glad that your concerns have been listened to and taken on board. I notice though that all the people in “authority” you have dealt with are men. Are there no women in positions of influence in this particular institution?
One of the heads of department was but…well, that’s probably a story for another medium. Now: no.