I recently lost my engagement ring. I’d had it for 22 years and to was hard-won, believe me. When I say I lost it, it just suddenly vanished in all the kerfuffle surrounding obtaining my Overseas Citizenship of India and being so ill with that horrid coughing virus and taking my mum to India with her dementia and that. It disappeared from the ring holder in the kitchen where it had been placed for safekeeping while I did the washing up. I’ve had bad luck with rings lately. Two of them keep shedding their stones or breaking, and I’m now very cautious about wearing the engagement ring I used to have constantly on my finger.
So we duly processed the insurance claim and I have more or less chosen a replacement. It’s not exactly the same as the brilliant solitaire diamond in the original largely because nothing could replace the original that has such emotional value attached to it.
I telephoned the sales representative of our regular high-end London jeweller last week and made an appointment to choose the sort of thing I’m looking for. On Friday I duly walked into the shop with my husband. We were the only customers and, despite being greeted warmly, the staff did not appear to know who were were. So OH introduced himself and shook hands with the assistant, the one with whom I had spoken at some length on the phone, who continued to look at me quizzically and with complete incomprehension”
“And you are?”
“Mrs. B.”
And I watched as it suddenly dawned on him that I was neither my husband’s PA not the maid nor, perhaps, the mistress but the very person to whom he had spoken about the replacement ring. He knew I was coming in at that time with my husband, but somehow could not reconcile what he was seeing with the details of the appointment. Was it something about the way I was dressed? Or had he not expected me to be…err…brown?
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I’ve encountered this sort of thing before. When I worked, our cleaners were let in by our nanny every Monday but I regularly dealt with the cleaner over the phone. Once I had a day off and opened the door to them and the woman’s face fell.
“Oh,” she said, with some disdain. “Who are you? The new nanny.”
“No. I’m Mrs B. We’ve spoken on the phone. A lot.”
“You don’t look like I expected. You don’t look like you sound.”
I wonder just who she expected.
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It was shortly after we moved into that same house, when I was in my dressing gown late one morning as the Boywonder was about 3 months old and I wasn’t really coping very well. The doorbell rang and I opened the door to my neighbour across the road, who had arrived with several bags of clothes.
“You take in washing, don’t you? Could you do mine?”
She’d observed the weekly arrival of my laundry company to collect my ironing and jumped to conclusions. It was her husband, I later discovered, who asked other neighbours at parties, to which we were never invited, how they liked living next door to us. I wondered whether he complained about the smell. I never cooked curries. This is why I am never surprised at the popularity of the UKIPs.
Funny, isn’t it? You can present some people with all sorts of evidence and facts and they still prefer to stick to their prejudices.
*This is a quote from My Fair Lady. Still pretty true, I’d say.
I shouldn’t be shocked by your experiences, but I suppose I have been lucky to never be confronted with those kind of prejudices, although here in Northern Ireland my accent gives rise to another set of assumptions altogether. One would be forgiven for wondering whether we live in the 21st century at all and whether humanity will ever rid itself of the nasty, brutish and short nature so deeply entrenched and actually become “civilised”. You know, where we judge people by their actions and characters as individuals, not use that as an excuse to stereotype and hate an entire class/race/sex based on lies and bigotry. Or is that perhaps to much to expect of the human race?
Maybe it is.
What an excellent blog-post. I’m so sorry that you encounter such reactions and prejudices.
I encountered racism when I lived in Scotland. Judged by my accent rather than the colour of my skin. My children were bullied and threatened with violence so I understand some small part of what you go through.
I hope I have raised my children to be more understanding and not to judge by skin-tone. When I lived in Huddersfield we had wonderful neighbours on both sides…….. We shared recipes, dinner-parties and gossiping over the garden fence. The fact that one family was originally from India and the other family from Italy was neither here nor there. We were FRIENDS.
My best friend and soul-mate is of mixed heritage and there is no finer person on the earth. We are not all like your neighbours ……..at least, I hope not. x
Prejudice comes in all manners, but it’s always appalling when you come across it in quite such a transparent and vile way.
Have you thought about going to Chas and his wife in the village for jewelry needs? I suspect their down to earth approach leaves no room for misinterpreting you as a PA or domestic.
Um, I should know to whom you’re referring but I don’t…? Prince Chas?
Ah. Thank you for saying so. Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply. I’ve been a little busy here and there.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. For me, the anecdotes I described were quite amusing in comparison with some of the filth I encounter and I find it a little surprising that people are so shocked by these little stories. But there you go.
Aha – Chas and Mrs Chas (who does a lot of the design work) run Magill’s jewelers in the village, between George Proctor and Foxtons on the High Street near the Manor Road crossroads. Small, but very good, in that they’ll listen to what you want, and come up with a suitably creative solution.
Oh I love that window but I’ve never plucked up courage to go in!
Sadly the popularity of UKIP does not surprise me either.
Growing up as a mixed race child in 60s and 70s Britain I got used to prejudice and learnt to enjoy challenging stereotypes rather than letting it upset me. It always said more about them than it did about me! One cultural or racial assumption I particularly enjoyed was the breeder who told me that she had not wanted to sell one of her flatcoat puppies to an Indian family who had turned up immaculately dressed to view her litter. She did not think they were ‘right’ for the breed because they would never cope with the dirt and mess involved in owning a mud loving, water obsessed animal. The children destroyed her prejudices by rolling around on her (filthy) floor with the puppies while their father told her, “what do you think washing machines are for?!”. They got their puppy. (I particularly like this story because as children my mother never let leave the house anything other than immaculately dressed in case people looked at us either with distain or with pity, assuming that she did not look after us properly because we were a mixed race family. It is something that I have carried with me into adulthood but which no longer pertains now I have a flatcoat!!)
I can think of other, more hurtful examples but prefer to concentrate those that amuse me…..however I entirely agree, “You can present some people with all sorts of evidence and facts and they still prefer to stick to their prejudices.”
Thanks for sharing that reply with me, Sarah. I’m amazed people are so shocked. I’m actually amused by this sort of comment because you’re right, it does say more about those commenting than me.
We’ve all had the horrid things too, and some of them breed more resentment and I’m touched by what you say about your mum. I was brought up to speak this way – better if I’m honest – and in the belief that people like me have to be twice as good and behave twice as well as others.
And flatcoats teach us so much about what really matters don’t they? Xx
Sorry for the late reply but, as you know, I have been a bit busy! I was amazed by this blog post. I am white and had a Jamaican boyfriend in the 70s. We got ‘looks’ but nothing more than that. But this is 2014 for goodness sake. I really don’t understand.
Well done for writing this. xx
I’m surprised that people are so surprised! But 🙂