- When the pre-reminder email arrives from Ocado in September reminding you to book you Christmas delivery, be sure to ignore it. Likewise, do not even switch your computer on for the October booking date. If you book your delivery that far ahead, you’ll only forget what you’ve ordered anyway and get in a muddle. Frantic late night Internetting in December for a bird, any bird, for the big day serves only to sharpen your senses and get the adrenalin flowing in time for the big day. Failing that, the queue at the supermarket is a great chance to make some local friends.
- Make sure you don’t write down the new addresses sent on their Christmas cards by people who’ve moved. Or if you write them down on your iPad, it doesn’t matter that you haven’t saved the document when you drop your iPad and it shatters into 1,000 tiny pieces. When you buy your new laptop, the Christmas Card list file is bound to be stored somewhere, isn’t it? I mean, we have the iCloud now.
- Leave all your Christmas shopping until the day the kids break up from school early for Christmas. And everyone knows that the best bargains are around on Christmas Eve. And if the only thing left is Sexy Boy aftershave in Boots, well your Nan will just have to deal with it.
- Likewise with the Christmas tree and the decorations. Everyone know the best trees are at the bottom of the pile. And the lights are bound to work. They did last year. Eventually. And no need to worry about chasing the electrician to put up lights on your house. He knows you’re there: he’s bound to call you back in good time for Christmas.
- Don’t bother getting your charity gift wrap order done in time. There’s loads of wrapping paper and tags left over from last year. Somewhere in the house. And you can always buy some more from the pound shop. It doesn’t matter if it rips a bit.
- It doesn’t matter about Christmas last posting dates if you have friends and relatives abroad: the Royal Mail only say that so they can have an easy time of it. Pop them in the post on Christmas eve, 2nd class is fine. They’ll get there.
- There’s no point bothering with a present for your child’s teacher. I’m sure they get fed up of cheap tat every year. They know you appreciate them anyway.
- There’s really no need to wrap presents until Christmas Eve itself, when you can enjoy doing it over a nice glass of wine. It won’t take long.
- Socks are fine for Dad. It’s the thought that counts.
Whoops! That’s only nine.